"Criminal"

There once was a traitor named Biden

Such criminal acts they were hidin'

What's been exposed

Much more than supposed 

Patriot margins must widen.

May 21, 2025

"Lost"

When peace comes for Arabs and Jews

Like harmony to couples and fews

Hell hath froze over

But lost in the clover

Are those making love in the pews.

May 30, 2024

"Sonnet"

There once was a sonnet from France

Who wanted to live in a manse

All he could afford

Was a dingy baseboard

Such are the whims of finance.

June 17, 2022

"Vaunted"

I'll be what you're looking for in drugs

I'll be what the World receives from hugs

I'll be all you wanted

Why Love is highly-vaunted

I'll be what you're looking for in drugs.

February 15, 2022

"Like a Font"

There once was a poet from Vermont

Whose wisdom flowed like a font

Until that day

They came to say

Your home, sir, is in the Piedmont.

August 22, 2021

"There Once Was a Poet From Vermont"

There once was a poet from Vermont
Whose pen oozed ink like a font
He wrote so many poems
Ladies sent him gems
Now he's married to an heir of DuPont.

May 10, 2020

"Lars from Mars"

There once was a Capital named Lars
His profile is etched in the stars
They say he's a Dane
But his playing's insane
So some of us think he's from Mars.

May 31, 2018

"The Hockey Noose Tightening"

There once was a team named Lightning
Whose fall from grace has been frightening
They encountered the Caps
Who engineered their collapse
Now they feel the hockey noose tightening.

May 14, 2018

"The Intellect of Others"

There once was a doctor named Barkely
Who viewed others' intellect darkly
When asked to atone
His true spirit shone
Restating his views rather snark-ly.

May 4, 2018

"Too bad he's an overland trucker!"

There once was a poet named Tucker
Who kept his lips in a pucker
They surely are red!
The ladies all said
Too bad he's an overland trucker!

May 3, 2018

"Mendacity His Only Foe"

There once was a newsman named Joe
He kept his pens all in a row
He chased after stories
And basked in great glories
Mendacity his only foe.

April 29, 2018

"There once was a loose lips named Lou Lou"

There once was a loose lips named Lou Lou
She sought regime fall with a Woohoo!
They called her a mensch
As she tossed in her wrench
Without as much for the fallen as a Boo Hoo!
July 24, 2017

Louise Mensch

"Woohoo!"

There once was a loose lips named Lou Lou

She pictured herself in a tutu

You may call me a mensch

But I can't stand the stench

So I dance on her grave shouting woohoo!

June 24, 2017

"There once was a hostess named Brooke"

There once was a hostess named Brooke
Who thought we wrote gobbledygook
She fed us just fine
All we did was dine(!)
Not a one of cracking a book.
August 31, 2016

"Sounds to Them Like a World War"

A cookout for writers in Westmore
Might spark a neighborhood furore
Especially if
Political tiff
Sounds to them like a world war.
August 30, 2016

"A Chick With an Adam's Apple Named 'Ann'"

A chick with an Adam's apple named "Ann"
Who may have started out life as a "Dan"
Pretends to conservatives
That she's a superlative
As she pimps herself out to Trumpistan.
April 23, 2016

"The Storm of the Century's a Bust"

The Storm of the Century's a bust
She hardly managed a gust
The City was shuttered
The People were fluttered
The unmanly Governor cussed.
January 27, 2015

"There once was a D.J. named Joe"

There once was a D.J. named Joe
He looked on the World as his show
He played only Dylan
And thus became villain
To all of the people in tow.
March 25, 2013

(see other version)

OCP Limericks II

There once was a cabbie named Sig
He thought he should find a new gig
He'd get a job
As head of the mob
If he could just cover the vig.
December 14, 2009

There once was a D.J. named Joe
To tune-lover he proved quite a foe
'All music is mine!'
He said with a whine
'The Community? That's just for show!'
November 23, 2009

There once was a pastor named Ron
He read the Good Book like a Don
He could be Godfather
And cut all the bother
If he'd quit running hither and yon.
November 6, 2009

There once was a cardinal named Farrell
His faith in the Church was in peril
He cast off his robes
And trimmed his earlobes
Now he's found a new faith name of Rachel.
October 21, 2009

There once was a redhead named Em
She turned on her own countrymen
She met a Canuck
With a big hockey puck
Now they bankrupt the U.S. health system.

OCP Limericks I

There once was an intern named Gracie
Who said that she worked at Our Placie
But we checked her "work"
And discovered a quirk:
The evidence was all prima facie.
November 23, 2009

There once was a biker named Lars
He'd live his whole life without cars
He biked to Peru
To prove it was true
But flew home in a jet through the stars.
November 4, 2009

There once was an artist named Abbey
Her mood switched from cheery to crabby
Unless she could sew
A ribbon or bow
On your costume if she deemed it too shabby.
November 4, 2009

There once was a girl named Rebekah
She set off in search of Mecca
But found OCP
Where the suppers are free
Now she skips all her nursing school lectures.
September 21, 2009


There once was a mascot named "Smokey"
Whose owner was old, slow, and pokey
So he'd run around
The OCP ground
Till the Irishman said Okey Dokey!

There once was a painter named Teig
Who kept all his tools in a bag
If you needed a tune
He'd yank his harpoon
And beat out 'The OCP Rag'.