Teig Saying "Goodbye"

"It's an owl!" said my friend, the driver.

"It's a hawk!" I said, unable to see its head.

While driving to Cabot last night, we encountered a bird in the middle of Danville Hill Road. My friend had only just warned me that he simply could not stand the thought of killing a living creature with his car, that he even swerves for insects.

Stopping immediately, headlights on, I was expecting whatever it was to move off quickly when we pulled up. But it sat there. Finally, it turned its big head as if looking straight into my eyes.

"It's an owl," I agreed.

Neither of us had ever seen one before, at least not in the middle of a dirt road. Up high up in a tree, maybe, but not on the ground.

"It's caught something," I said.

As we pulled the car around the bird, it finally lifted off, relaxing its grip as it did. A single poplar tree leaf fluttered to the dirt.

There began a discussion in the car of what an impressive moment that had been, one that others assign great meaning to — since the time of the Greeks and Romans.

The owl was carrying a message.

Could it be my friend Teig Hogan saying "goodbye"? They'd just gathered down in Virginia for an informal memorial the day before. I'd sent best regards along with a link to some images of him, hoping to participate remotely.

I knew he didn't have long, but I'd missed that last call — phone upstairs when I was downstairs kind of a thing. Of course, I wish I'd called him back.

Goodbye, Teig. We'll play more trivia when I get there.

October 8, 2018

SPOOF: Man Could Not Pass As Bear

A 36-year-old man who donned a bear costume in hopes of living among actual bears died a brutal death at the claws of these creatures in Shenandoah National Park. Ryan Riese of Fulton, Maryland died June 29, 2017, ripped apart by the bears whose community he hoped to enter.

After forging medical records to convince his family he needed the money to treat testicular cancer, he subsequently spent $42,000 on an "elaborate bear costume" created with the help of Hollywood costume designer Alfredo Fronz who is known best for his work in films such as The Revenant (2015), Grizzly Man (2005), The Edge (1997), and Grizzly (1978). Says Fronz of the effort:

"He kept asking if it would trick a real bear. I’d tell him, I don’t know man, maybe. I don’t do those kinds of tests. But he just kept pressuring me to promise him this would work. Finally, I was just like, ‘Yeah, sure, it will fool bears, man, stop emailing me.'”

Riese’s family is bringing charges against the costume designer claiming he misled Ryan into believing the costume would be safe to wear in the wild. In response, Fronz says: “I cover all that in the client agreement. You wear my costumes in the forest, that’s your ass, not mine.”

The costume was found strewn about Shenandoah National Park after a helicopter spotted part of it on a hillside during search and rescue. Responders say the bears tore the Man Who Wanted to Be a Bear to pieces the moment they saw him. Said EMT Brad Lucas of the carnage: “There is evidence the costume had an opposite effect. Like, it pissed them off so much, they just ripped him up out of spite.”

The funeral was to be held at Hungry Bear BBQ in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, Ryan's favorite dining spot.

SPOOF SOURCE: "Man Who Self-Identified as Bear Found Bear Community Highly Intolerant".
DISCLAIMER: Bearmageddonnews.com is satire, nothing published there is intended to be thought of as true; it is for entertainment purposes only.

Ryan Riese at his favorite eatery

"The Science is Not Valid"

"The ocean is not rising significantly. The polar ice is increasing, not melting away. Polar Bears are increasing in number. Heat waves have actually diminished, not increased. There is not an uptick in the number or strength of storms (in fact storms are diminishing). I have studied this topic seriously for years. It has become a political and environment agenda item, but the science is not valid."

John Coleman, Weather Channel founder

Impostor Groundhog Not Big On Commies

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio on Groundhog Day

Parrot Solves Murder in India

A talking parrot helped police in India identify the killer of a woman and her dog. The 45-year-old woman and her pet were found murdered at her residence in the western Indian city of Agra in Uttar Pradesh state.

The victim's husband, Vijay Sharma, is editor of a Hindi daily. The parrot showed a change in behavior whenever his nephew Ashutosh visited the house after the incident: ". . whenever Ashutosh's name was mentioned, the parrot would start screeching. This raised my suspicion and I informed the police," Sharma told the Times of India.

"We checked his call details and took him in custody," said the city's senior superintendent of police, Shalabh Mathur. "He accepted his crime . ."

Ashutosh, who entered with an accomplice with the intention of stealing cash and valuables, stabbed his aunt so she wouldn't recognize him. He stabbed her dog when it started barking. He failed to notice the parrot who was silently watching the whole thing.

SOURCE: International Business Times