Russian Saying

Человеку нужно 2 года, чтобы научиться говорить, и 60 лет, чтобы научиться держать язык за зубами.

"I Guess Boris Wasn't Good Enough"

She left me first for Boris
Then took Andre in
The only one who made her stop was Ivan.

When she made for Leonid
Then switched around to Nikita
That's when she finally discovered Maxim.

I guess Boris wasn't good enough.
March 13, 2014

'Russian Tanks'

This thing ends in Russian tanks
Crushing people and hopes
To dictatorship they said 'No, thanks!!'
Soon Liberty's on the ropes.

The Americans: Concept ('A'), Writing ('B-')

'You thought I'd stabbed him?'

With Russian enemy agents operating in the United States as Americans when Ronald Reagan takes office, of course I'm going to watch the premiere of The Americans on FX--especially with the months-long promotion featuring the comely Keri Russell kicking car doors and such (she does it so stylistically I was sure she was a dancer, which she proves out to be). And, yes, I like the hammer and sickle Communist symbol in place of the 'c' in Americans in the ads (other than that it's a super-dull title for a show, no?).

The actual writing, filled with bad clichés as it is, may get a B-, but with an A (or maybe even A+) concept like this, it's a  must-watch for me. As a writer, I'm even a little surprised I didn't think of it myself.

Of course, female victimhood has to drive the whole story, no matter what else might have been going on in 1960s Soviet Union (or in 1980s Washington, D.C. suburbia). I can see her KGB trainer taking advantage of her as a young 'cadet', but making that the reason he dies all these years later? Would a man really say such things to a 13-year old girl in front of her father and his own woman--all at the check-out counter in a shopping mall?

The silliness of keeping the just-kidnapped Soviet defector--the one who'd taken advantage of her during training all those years ago--alive in the trunk of a car parked in their garage, as they rent a muscle car to drive the family around. The 'coincidence' of an FBI counter-intelligence agent moving in with his family across the street. His breaking into the befriended Russian's garage to peer into the well-scrubbed trunk (did they repair the bloodied, bashed-in wall panel, too?). Does the KGB general have to be named Zhukov?

The writing, flat and predictable, is saved somewhat by excellent casting.  This Matthew Rhys guy not only gets the Russian vibe, but also adds a hint of Russian accent behind his Welshman-doing-a-Yank.  Did I mention Keri Russell is a fox? Let's just hope, even as attractive as she is, she doesn't play the whole thing in that stern, nagging vibe. They've even got Richard Thomas as a Fed (okay, that's a little weird, too).

A Foreign Watch

Three people sit in a prison camp comparing reasons for being sent there.

• The first one says: 'I was late for work, so I was arrested for sabotage.'
• The second one says: 'I was early, so I was arrested for spying.'
• The third one says: 'I was on time . . I was arrested for buying a foreign watch on the black market.'

See More Russian jokes.

"One Before Last"

When Nixon visited Moscow, he and Khrushchev ran around the Kremlin in a race. Nixon came in first. Soviet media reported the results . .

In the international running competition the General Secretary of the Communist Party took the honorable second place. Mister Nixon came in one before last.

"Morning or Afternoon?"

Ivan paid the required 5,000 rubles in advance for an automobile, and the factory representative informed him that it would be delivered in exactly ten years to the day.

--"Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?" asked Ivan.
--"How could that possibly matter?" asked the factory representative.  "We're talking ten years from now."
--"Well, you see" replied Ivan "the plumber comes that afternoon."