"Kill"

A faulty sunroof drain

Can kill your V10 dream

Forget the powertrain

   (and your crumbling self-esteem.)

September 20, 2026

"Frayed"

When you drive a Renault Dauphine

And you think you've got it made

You're drinking too much caffeine

   (and you missed your true decade).

June 12, 2026

"Summoned"

I want to be Bulldog Drummond

Just to drive the cars that he did

I feel as though I've been summoned

To London to spend a few quid.

June 5, 2026

"Brutal"

My convertible needs a new top

Other than that, it's fine

What looks to the World like a brutal chop

Was part of the design.

April 5, 2026

"Excessive"

Man cited for excessive speed in Sheffield

He was doing 105

40 miles over the speed limit?

   (he's lucky to be alive).

April 5, 2026

"Drunks"

Only Buick or Pontiac

Chevy is for punks

Lincoln or Cadillac

Are for classy drunks.

December 1, 2025

"War"

I much prefer the six

To the silly old four

Not like politics

   (more like outright war).

April 24, 2025

"Fumes"

I sure do miss the Trabant

Its two-stroke fumes and chug

Designed by somebody's aunt

Cute as a baby's hug.

April 18, 2025

"Ticket"

Go ahead and pass me 

Catch that ticket there

He's waiting with a radar gun

With a ticket meant for me.

March 27, 2025

"Meat"

If you call it "Biker Bob's"

At least serve hamburger meat

To cater to Harley snobs

   (who crash bikes in the street).

March 11, 2025

"Queers"

The heated steering wheel

A luxury to be prized

What really queers the deal

Is cold that's crystallized.

February 8, 2025

"Breaking"

Difficult to find the parts,

   for a contraption that?

Go on with your breaking hearts

   (until you meet Hellcat).

January 26, 2025

"Bars"

Reading about cars

A much-overlooked hobby

Much better than hanging in bars

   (or joining the animal lobby).

December 28, 2024

"Down"

We all drove Ford

From the dad on down 

It's all we could afford

  (until I bought the Packard).

November 1, 2024

"Clogs"

Of course he drives a Saab

He's such the Swedish kind

Trots around in wooden clogs

Half out of his mind.

May 29, 2024

"Bars"

A love affair with cars

Is really not so rare

It sure beats time in bars

Slumped in a chair.

February 6, 2024

"Steal"

The Daimler Double Six

Is quite the automobile

If you're ever in a fix

It's the one to steal.

January 28, 2024

"Don't"

Chicks don't read car magazines

Dopes don't ride in limousines

Focus on the brands she knows

   (if you want her in your clothes).

August 24, 2023

"Panic"

Dreams of being a mechanic

Tied up in a serpentine belt

I'm at the point of panic

(now I know how my grandpa felt).

May 5, 2023

"Corvette"

When you go in for retorquing

And the guy says You're all set

Does that mean your pitchforking

Has paid off the Corvette?

February 9, 2023