"One Before Last"

When Nixon visited Moscow, he and Khrushchev ran around the Kremlin in a race. Nixon came in first. Soviet media reported the results . .

In the international running competition the General Secretary of the Communist Party took the honorable second place. Mister Nixon came in one before last.

"Workers of the World . ."

Karl Marx was resurrected and came to the USSR. He was shown factories, hospitals, cities and villages, etc. Finally, he requested to be allowed to make a speech on TV.

The Politburo hesitated as they were afraid he might say something they wouldn't approve. Marx promised he would say only one sentence.

Under this condition, the Politburo agreed.

Karl Marx uttered the following sentence:

"Workers of the world, forgive me."

My Joe Camel Jacket

I do so want to get my Joe Camel jacket as soon as possible, but I don't even know yet how many Camel Cash coupons I need to collect.

1. First, they have to send me a form to fill out and return, with a copy of my driver's license, as proof that I'm of a sufficient age to be smoking legally.
   
2. Then I have to collect enough coupons.

Fortunately I've deputized all of my immediate circle as coupon collectors and so far they're doing an excellent job on my behalf.

I should be bowling by Christmas!!

My Cigarettello

Whenever I pull out a pack of Nat Sherman Cigarettellos™, people get involved, asking questions, wanting one.

Sir Walter Raleigh

Smoking them puts me into the mind of Sir Walter Raleigh.* I see what he was up to when he converted the entire Western European world to the smoking of this intoxicating weed.

No additives

Because the tobacco's so good, with no additives, it takes me ten minutes to smoke one Cigarettello™ — not the 3-4 minutes for your average American cig. Nor do I want one for 30-40 minutes afterwards. Standard brands have chemicals that make them burn faster (and make you crave another one immediately).

Telly Savalas

The Cigarettello™ was originally designed for Telly Savalas, back before he did the lollypop routine. A tobacconist in Charlottesville told me that, so who am I to question. He's certainly got the sort of tough-guy image I can only one day aspire to achieve, if I just smoke enough Cigarettellos™.

"Who loves ya, baby?"

*I don't inhale (I might want to run for president some day).

My Favorite Song

Originally written by Leonard Cohen, "Hallelujah" was put into the hands of the gods by Jeff Buckley. Son of "cult songwriter" Tim Buckley, he included it on his 1994 Grace album which was his first full-length release. They say he used to close his live shows with it.

Libran Writers

The following writers were born under the sun sign of Libra:

• Euripides (playwright) September 23, 480 B.C.
• F. Scott Fitzgerald (novelist) September 24, 1896
• William Faulkner (novelist) September 25, 1897
• T. S. Elliot (poet) September 26, 1888
• William Conrad (novelist) September 27, 1920
• Truman Capote (novelist) September 30, 1924
• Thomas Wolf (novelist) October 3, 1900
• Gore Vidal (novelist) October 3, 1925
• James W. Riley (poet) October 7, 1849
• James Clavell (novelist) October 10, 1924
• Harold Pinter (playwright) October 10, 1930
• Katherine Mansfield (short story author) October 14, 1888
• e. e. cummings (poet) October 14, 1894
• Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. (historian) October 15, 1917
• Oscar Wilde (playwright, novelist) October 16, 1854
• Eugene O'Neill (playwright) October 16, 1888
• Arthur Miller (playwright) October 17, 1915
• Jack Anderson (journalist) October 19, 1922
• John Le Carre (novelist) October 19, 1931
• Arthur Rimbaud (poet) born October 20, 1854
• Art Buchwald (humorist/columnist) born October 20, 1926

Re-Stringing My Mandoletto

Re-stringing my mandoletto^1,2,3 last night at my favorite cafe required help from two musicians, and about three hours.  When I got done I didn't know much to do but hunt about for some good-sounding chords,⁴ with visions of performing in Italian restaurants⁵ to lovebirds lost in their wine.

Borrowing from the bouzouki, its sweet tone stuns the trained musical ear, evoking at once the mystery of the Mediterranean and the magic of Celtic rhythms.

This latest addition to the mandolin family finds its place somewhere amidst the (standard) tunings:

---------------------G---D---A---E Mandolin

-----------------C---G---D---A---- Mandola

----------------X---X---X---X----- Mandoletto

--------------G---D---A---E------- Octave Mandolin

----------C---G---D---A----------- Mandocello

G---D---A---E--------------------- Mandobass (rev.)

Once this new instrument makes its official debut, actual tuning will be revealed (the "X"s in the chart above are meant to cloak the process in mystery). Further development occurs in great secrecy.

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1. a $100 made-in-China octave mandolin, that could be tuned as a mandola, that I ordered from Lark in the Morning at the turn of the century. It arrived with the smell of Elmer's glue (suggesting to me it had been assembled by political prisoners).
2. upon arrival I immediately hunted around for alternate tunings; the combination of which, with the instrument, made for the addition of this to the mandolin family.
3. it's called the "mandoletto" because the inventor figures he can name it any damn thing he pleases.
4. about the extent of my stringed-instrument playing experience.
5. okay, so it could be French, or Greek, or maybe even Mexican.

Best Advice

The best advice I could give a young man embarking on a new career--do young men ever listen to advice?--besides to read the Albert J. Bernstein books on working office politics to your advantage--could a book really help?--would be to talk to the alumni of the organization he's joining, the guys who have already jumped through the hoops he must jump through. Then take their advice.