Good Deal

I finally returned today my introductory stack of reference books the Folio Society sent me, keeping the gratis copy of Robert Graves The Greek Myths--which they said had an $80 value or so.

I had wanted a copy of this two-volume set since reading my brother's, and writing numerous narrative poems out of it.

Right now I'm penning one on Bellerophon, a mythical figure I had never heard of prior to. Not making too much progress on it.

Who knows. Maybe it's my last poem . .

"Killer Eyes"

wedding kiss

1. Carole Boone married Ted Bundy, the notorious serial killer of girls and young women, in 1980. After having received a death sentence for murdering two sorority girls, and injuring a third, he was being tried for the murder of a 12-year old girl in Florida when they tied the wedding knot. He would later confess to killing 28 women, but some experts believe it could have been more than a 100. They had one child in 1982. She later came to see his guilt, moved away, and divorced him. Bundy was executed for his crimes in 1989.
2. Christine Kizuka, a mother of three and supervisor at the Los Angeles office of the State Employment Development Department, married Angelo Buono, Jr. in 1986 while he was behind bars serving a life sentence. Buono was convicted in 1983 of the murder of nine women in Los Angeles, aged 12-28, during a four-month period from 1977 to 1978. He, together with his cousin Kenneth Bianchi, were the infamous "Hillside Stranglers".
3. Sondra London, known to some as the queen of the serial killer groupies, engaged to Danny Rolling in 1993. He was the infamous "Gainesville Ripper" who pled guilty to killing five young students in Gainesville, Florida. Together they wrote a book about his crimes.
4. Doreen Lioy, a freelance magazine editor with a bachelor's degree in English and an I.Q. of 152--married Richard Ramirez in 1996. He was the "Night Stalker" convicted of 13 killings in California.

It was with this strange love phenomenon in mind that I wrote "Killer Eyes".

SEE ALSO: www.crimelibrary.com and "Passion and the Prisoner: What do women see in men behind bars?" by Daphne Merkin, The New York Times Magazine, 8.28.05.

They're Playin' Our Song

The bluegrass lyric my friend Paul Young arranged into music, so we both could sing it - "Lonesome Mountain Blues" - has been listened to over twenty times this month. Yippy-yi-yay!

"Hangover Cure"

I've finally made the big time. My song lyrics "Hangover Cure" have just been published in the West Sound Brewers August 2005 newsletter. They're a "homebrewing and beer appreciation club in Kitsap County, Washington". 

Apparently the editor entered such terms as "lyrics", "country", "beer", and "blues" into Yahoo! and Google and came up with mine, along with some pretty good company such as Hank Williams, Jr., C. W. McCall, and Jimmy Witherspoon. 

With such titles as "Sell A Lot Of Beer", "Beer Man", "Beer and Bones", "Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On", and "Beer Drinkin' Woman" I feel right at home. I always knew if I couldn't find a market for my stuff anywhere else, the beer lovers would take me in. 

I wonder if their songs are based on a true story like mine is (from college years ago).

Or, for a real hangover cure. .

My New Guitar

My new Tacoma Olympia, 3/4-size, parlor guitar fits perfectly into my apartment. I had my eye initially on his brother, which has a slightly more parlor-guitar looking shape, but opted for this because its slightly larger body makes a bigger sound. And it has a face plate. Only problem was the carrying case they had was for the smaller model. It's close to being in tune, so I hope that doesn't slow me down too much in getting to the arrangement of my lyrics. My problem is I was want to investigate alternate tuningsbefore I've even mastered the standard ones.

What Do You Think They're Up To?

SUBJECT: Your Poem This Guy Doesn't Know What He's Doing

Dear Poet,

Read your poem on The Web Poetry Corner

Very good indeed. We would like to publish such type of poems in our next anthology "Harvests of New Millennium". We are currently reviewing poems for publication in "Harvests of New Millennium" A Collection of Contemporary Verse to be released in Oct. 2005. If you are interested in getting your poem published in this book please contribute your poem to us. For submitting the poem please log on to:

http://cyberwit.net/sub_anth.htm

or send by email with your short bio (Optional) and address.

Thanks.

Best Wishes
KARUNESH KUMAR AGRAWAL
http://www.cyberwit.net/
4/2B, L.I.G.
Govindpur Colony,
Allahabad-211004 (U.P.)
INDIA.

Or . . if you really want to get your poetry published. .

More from the Scammers

Dear Michael,

I'm sorry you will be unable to join us at the upcoming 2005 International Society of Poets' Summer Convention and Symposium to be held August 19-21, 2005, in the United States capital, Washington, DC--the largest and most prestigious poetry event ever held. As you know, you were selected to be honored at this event, and we were looking forward to you presenting your poetic artistry in front of more than 1,800 poets and guests from over 50 countries who will be attending.

However, because we don't want you to miss out on this unique opportunity altogether, we have arranged a way for you and your poetic accomplishments to be a part of this event in a major way, without you actually being present. Although you will be unable to participate in the Convention contest (you must be present to win), you can receive all of the awards and benefits of ISP membership we have scheduled for you--including your custom engraved Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl (see it here), your bronze Commemorative Award Medallion, your ISP decal, and your Full One Year Membership into the International Society of Poets for 2005--if you will allow us to present one of your poems at the convention in your place.

We have arranged for professional poetry readers to present your poem at this largest gathering of poets in history. Our readers will present your poem with imaginative style, so that your artistry receives the worldwide exposure and recognition that it deserves. Your poem will also be featured in printed form, proudly displayed in a special room at the convention that will be accessible to more than 1,800 attending poets and guests.

And let me tell you a little about the actual awards and membership benefits that you will receive by mail immediately after you confirm your participation in this prestigious event by submitting your poem:

-- Your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl (a $200.00 value) is a magnificent work of art in itself that measures over 10 inches across and over 10-1/2 inches high. It is handcrafted in silver and has your name custom-engraved on a beautiful cherry-wood base. It is certain to enjoy a special place of pride in your home and will serve as a fitting symbol of your unique poetic artistry.

-- Your bronze Commemorative Award Medallion (a $40.00 value) is a deeply etched bronze medal brilliantly displayed on a 25 inch red, white and blue satin ribbon.

-- And your Full One Year Membership into the International Society of Poets for 2005 (a $60.00 value) entitles you to a personalized membership card, an ISP decal, and a subscription to The Poet's Corner quarterly newsletter. Please note, if you are already an ISP member, your benefits will be extended an additional year.

Michael, all that's required for us to immediately send you all of these Awards is for you to submit a poem to be formally presented at the convention. Additionally, we must also ask you for the necessary funds ($169.00 plus p+h) to cover the costs of the time and effort required to present your poem before the convention attendees both aloud and in writing, as well as the costs incurred with insuring and shipping to you these extremely bulky and heavy awards.

Michael, we are, of course, ultimately most interested in meeting you and having you personally present your artistry in front of the thousands of other poets who attend these live events. Unfortunately, this is not the case at this time, so we're trying to do the next best thing. But we sincerely hope to personally present you with your most deserved awards in the future.

Sincerely,
Steve Michaels
International Society of Poets
Convention Chairperson

P.S. Your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl, bronze Commemorative Award Medallion, and ISP decal will be shipped to you by Federal Express (your subscription to The Poet's Corner will arrive separately) and will be accompanied by a 100% money back guarantee of your complete satisfaction. If for any reason you're not 100% delighted with your Awards, simply return them any time within 60 days of receipt for a full refund, no questions asked.

P.P.S. You'll also receive a $100.00 gift certificate off the registration of a future ISP convention so that we can formally recognize your poetic accomplishments in person at a date that's convenient to you.

Submit your poem here and receive your awards or go to
https://www.poetry.com/poetscorner/absenteeorder.asp?VIP=P6230781&SC=W234&fn=Michael&ln=Farrand.

Please do not reply to this message. If you no longer wish us to notify you of poetic events that we believe may be of interest to you, please click here, or go to http://www.poetry.com/nl/stopemail.asp.

poetry.com * One Poetry Plaza * Owings Mills, MD 21117

"Are You Published Yet?"

Pretty much the only thing anyone wants to know about your poetry once you've informed him you are indeed a poet is:

"Are you published yet?"

To be published you must submit to publishers, and very likely quite a few times. But I found myself often in the midst of a spurt of creativity, the in-between times spent putting my verse up at my own website (this being the modern-day "publishing"). I didn't want to de-rail either effort with the more left-brain effort of submitting.

This I would explain to people tirelessly in response to the inevitable first question outlined above. I would also mention that my poetry had been published here-and-there on the internet (see "Press" below), that I had printed a chapbook with some of my poems, and that I had been published in other genres throughout my life. This included a major city newspaper as a student contributor, college newspaper, features editor of a college newspaper, a couple of free-lance articles, and governmental publications.

One elderly lady, even after hearing these responses to her persistent question, still didn't hear (or get) it. So, on one recent Sunday she proclaimed quite nastily (in my then view) in front of a couple friends of mine that I was an unpublished poet and songwriter, or something to that effect.

After going through all the "deconstruction" of her statement, I came around to seeing it as a nudge from God, or perhaps Madame Destiny, that I could do better in that regard. Time to move from creation and website design to actual submission in an organized fashion.

I made something on the order of 30-40 submissions in rapid order, thanks to her "nastiness".

One opportunity I came across almost immediately were a couple of ladies looking for poems about or written in a laundromat. Because I had spent so much time allowing myself to have my creative spurts, and to post the produce at my site, I had the perfect poem:

"Down at the Laundromat"

Not only could I provide the text of the poem, but also a link to show how it looks at my site, not to mention a link to my bio.

Blam! They agreed to publish it. Thank you Wilda Morris and Cathy Conger who are putting together "a paperback anthology" of short stories, humorous essays, and poetry.

Perhaps I was right about the order of things.

NOTE: The anthology referred to in this little anecdote never materialized as far as the poet knows. 

This rejection letter makes me want to submit again . .

Dear Michael,

Thank you for submitting your work to RATTLE. This particular work however, will not fit in our next issue. I do want to assure you that your work has been thoroughly read.

Don't be discouraged by this or any other return of your writing. We only have room for about a hundred poems per issue, and at present, receive just over ten thousand submissions, with three to ten poems per submission. Submitting your work is a struggle; making choices as to what to accept is also a struggle. It is important to look over work I've chosen for past issues because it might help you better decide what to submit in the future.

Issue #23 is nearly out and features a tribute to lawyer poets, and interviews with Alan Shapiro and David St. John. You can purchase RATTLE at Barnes & Noble Booksellers, Borders Books, and many independent booksellers across the county. The RATTLE web site allows you to browse over previous issues and may help answer questions about submission guide lines: www.rattle.com

Continued success with your publishing.

Blessings,

Tim

P.S. Please note two things: 1) We are now happy to accept simultaneous submissions, so don't hesitate to send us your best work! Just please notify us immediately should any of the pieces be accepted elsewhere. 2) As of July 15th, 2005, all email submissions and inqueries should be sent to this address, timgreen@rattle.com

Timothy Green . Assistant Poetry Editor . RATTLE . 12411 Ventura Blvd . Studio City, CA 91604 . 818.505.6777

www.rattle.com

My New Desk

I found it in Georgetown on the sidewalk across from Cafe Milano. My friend Ernie helped me move it, just barely fitting it into his Audi S4 station wagon. Looks great in my place. Maybe I'll get something written on it.

Big Brother Watching?

My homepage gets regular visits from Seychelles, a group of islands in the Indian Ocean.  I'd say about 4 or 5 times a month.

I understand the U.S. Navy plants a major center for electronic intelligence gathering in Seychelles. Immediately suspicious, I asked my web provider. He confirmed my suspicions that, yes, it really was Big Brother watching. 

I don't have anything to be particularly concerned about, as far as I can see.  Just an anti-terrorist sonnet, and perhaps my little rant about the Embassy of Sierra Leone. I hope they wouldn't mind my peroration to Pull the Plug on Israel, or my anti-war Santa rant.

Or maybe you consider the matter of the Government watching everything we do an issue all by itself.

Could it just be somebody surfin' after surfin'?

A Few of My More Perplexing Thoughts

"He has so little clue, he has no way of figuring out how little clue he has." July 27, 2005
"I was too mixed up to know how mixed up I was." July 25, 2005
"You haven't been oppressed until you've been oppressed by ignorance and incompetence." November 6, 2004
"If the entire country is off-the-track, then most of the people you meet are off-the-track." April 6, 2005
"You don't have a relationship with a phenomenon, you have an experience." April 24, 2005
"Only someone that far wrong could think he's got it so right." April 13, 2005
"Reality has become so bizarre it makes good television." March 26, 2005
"You're considered sane if you can adjust to the madness." March 18, 2005
"All that's left in America is working too hard and spending too much." March 26, 2005
"When you're living in virtual reality, and you're website goes down, you no longer exist." April 19, 2005
"Feminism: replacing love and service with hate and slavery." December 28, 2004
"I fell on my sword, but I didn't die." January 20, 2005
"Marxists:  by their destruction may ye know them." January 27, 2005
"Working in an organization requires the limitless ability to take very stupid things very seriously." January 27, 2005
"The least able feel the most entitled.  The most entitled claim the greatest victimhood. The most victimized are the least able." February 4, 2005

Greatest Scam Going

Dear Michael,

It's just a few short weeks until your poetic accomplishments will be honored at poetry.com's and the International Society of Poets' Summer 2005 Convention and Symposium, to be held at the Washington Hilton Hotel, Washington, DC, from August 19-21, 2005.

I'm writing to tell you exactly what to expect and how to prepare for this special moment in your life.

First, we have scheduled for you to receive your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl immediately after you present your poetry in front of your fellow poets. You can count on a true international audience for your poetry as we already have poets registered from 50 countries around the world!

Second, the award you will be receiving is so large and heavy that it may be a good idea for you to bring an extra suitcase to carry it home. The Award is a magnificent work of art (a $200.00 value) that measures over 10 inches across and over 11 inches high, handcrafted in silver, with your name custom-engraved on a beautiful cherry-wood base (see it here). I'm sure it will merit a special place of pride in your home.

Third, it's my pleasure to inform you that we have also decided to create and present to you a beautiful and colorful Commemorative Award Medallion in appreciation of your poetry presentation at this prestigious International Symposium.

Fourth, you need to submit your registration to the convention as soon as possible as our available space is nearly sold out. While we regret having to turn poets away, we purposely limit space to ensure a close-knit atmosphere where lasting friendships will be made. Poets consistently tell us they appreciate this policy and that the opportunity to make new friends is one of their favorite reasons for returning again and again.

And Michael . . . there's much more . . .

36 POETS WILL SHARE $74,000.00 TOTAL IN PRIZES--INCLUDING
THE SINGLE LARGEST POETRY CASH PRIZE EVER AWARDED--$20,000.00!

And don't forget the most lucrative amateur poetry contest ever! Your contest entry poem can be written in any style, on any subject . . . and can be up to 40 lines long.

Just think . . . for this poem alone, you will have the opportunity to win one of 36 cash and gift prizes to be awarded at the Symposium . . . including a Grand Prize of $20,000.00--the largest cash prize ever awarded in an amateur poetry competition. There's also a Second Prize of $5,000.00, two Third Prizes of all-expenses paid vacations for two, including a Caribbean cruise and a trip to Cancun, Mexico, a Fourth Prize of $1,000.00, and six other cash prizes of $500.00 each. World-renowned Pulitzer Prize-winning poet W.D.Snodgrass and Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor David Wagoner will be with us to congratulate poets and present the Grand Prize.

Your society is also encouraging today's youth to develop and utilize their poetic talents in a positive manner. This year we will award five $1,000.00 cash scholarships to talented young poets attending the Symposium.

Our editors and professors will also be searching for new poetic talent. Twenty poets will be "discovered" in the contest reading sessions. These winners will be awarded publishing or recording contracts that will generate international exposure for their poetic artistry.

In all, $74,000.00 in cash and prizes will be awarded at this single event!

LIGHTS . . . CAMERA . . . ACTION!

And that's still just the beginning . . . we've got three very special days planned for you . . . ones you'll never forget!

**You will be officially inducted as an honorary "International Poet of Merit" for 2005-2006.

**You and your poetic achievements will be honored at two Gala Banquets and Award Ceremonies.

**You will enjoy dazzling world class entertainment created especially for you featuring Tony Orlando and the Drifters. These special command performances will delight you. There will also be many other Las Vegas Headliners and Midnight Dance Parties on both Friday and Saturday nights!

**You will learn more about your craft in seminars, reading rooms, rap sessions, and workshops, where you can read and discuss your poetry in informal settings with other poets from all over the world. Back by popular demand are the ISP rap rooms, our famous sunrise poetry readings, the ISP Coffee House, the ISP Open Microphone Rooms, and workshops on how to fine-tune your poetic talents.

**You will have the rare opportunity to get up-close and personal with Pulitzer Prize-winning poet W. D. Snodgrass, Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor David Wagoner, Dr. Len Roberts, Dr. Herbert Woodward Martin, and other poetry celebrities who will be in attendance.

**You will participate in a fantastic international poetry competition featuring 36 prizes totaling $74,000.00. A Grand Prize of $20,000.00, two all-expenses paid vacations for two, including a Caribbean cruise and a trip to Cancun, Mexico, 8 other cash prizes totaling $9,000.00, 10 poetry recording contracts, 10 book publishing contracts, and 5 Young Poets Scholarship prizes will be awarded at this single event.

**You and your guests will also be eligible to win one of many door prizes, valued at over $6,000.00.

**You will make friendships that will last a lifetime and will return home with wonderful memories, your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl, your Commemorative Award Medallion, and lots of other special gifts.

DON'T BE LEFT OUT

Don't miss this opportunity. Space is limited, and our Conventions routinely sell out. Plan to join your fellow poets in the United States capital at the Washington Hilton Hotel, Washington, DC, August 19-21, 2005, for the poetic event of the year! I am also looking forward to meeting you and celebrating the power and beauty of poets and poetry!

Sincerely,
Steve Michaels
International Society of Poets
Convention Chairperson

Watch the Computer Paint It as I Did

If you click on . .

Artpad.com

. . not only can you watch the computer lay down the brush strokes exactly as I did, but you can make a painting of your own. They'll even let you hang it in the gallery!